total fucking darkness

May 8

dead child star work in progress. please enjoy.

clear.

lead by destroyer, down to the river.

hungry.

for what, i’m not sure yet.

i cast my net,

i wait.

the sun drags, the moon stumbles up.

i drink cold tea from a paper cup.

i think of you opening your eyes,

showing no surprise when you see me there.

reaching up with your arms pale and bare

breathing me in like fresh air.

looking at me unblinking,

like i was always there.

like i was always meant to be there.

one day last week i remembered myself.

i was a boy in a blue sweater.

i lay in the heather, i looked up, up

i drank cold barley water from a paper cup.

i turned my head and you were right there.

i touched your face,

gulped northern air.

we bought a silver pinwheel at some village fair.

i can’t believe i’ve loved you so long.

you’re like a song with no ending, no beginning-

just a bridge.

just a tone turning over and over.

just a tune that keeps coming back to me.

just a clean straight line

to the one i was,

the one i will be.

why i’m waiting-

what i’m waiting for-

just a melody that lead me down to the river.

what i bring up,

what i find,

a treasure in my net dragged up from the very bottom.

small,

and perfect,

and kind.

dead child star 05/12

May 8

Treasure

"There is a kind of crying I hope you have not experienced, and it is not just crying about something terrible that has happened, but a crying for all the terrible things that have happened, not just to you but to everyone you know and to everyone you don’t know and even the people you don’t want to know, a crying that cannot be diluted by a brave deed or a kind word, but only by someone holding you as your shoulders shake and your tears run down your face."

- Lemony Snicket (via gloomyteens)

(Source: societykilledtheinsane, via itsbeensurreal)

May 5

Apr 12

Torquil Campbell shares a harrowing New York minute in a true story that we like to call: “Sometimes Manhattan Loves You.”
Enjoy!

Apr 3

my alma mater. belligerent ghouls run castleton schools.

“at night, when you have nothing to do, you can take a walk down shaftesbury avenue..”

Go outside.

The wind blows cold, the trees shake their branches; the streetlights hiss and glow; and by the middle of the night you will be totally alone out here,

down the street from where you live; outside.

Wait until it’s completely quiet. Wait until the cold penetrates you. Watch for strangers; at a certain time of night, they’re all you can count on. When one approaches, fall in step with him. He needs you. Turn the corner, and the wind dies. It gets even darker. If you feel in danger, don’t ignore it; accept it. Keep moving. Go with him. He won’t hurt you. It won’t be him. There will be peril in the tunnel of the night, but not from the one whose heels you watch as you follow him. He is a rabbit. Chase him. Chase him into the night, now.

You stop at a door, and the stranger knocks three times like a clock announcing the time. You wait, and the colder wind makes you think of your bed. But you can’t go home yet- not yet. Wait. Wait for the three knocks to be answered.

The door opens. A figure in the dark. A gate keeper. You follow your guide into the darkened hall, and walk upstairs in the semi darkness. Follow him. Try not to be afraid. Know, that this is where you are meant to be in the middle of this night; and that in a few moments, it will all alter for you, forever. A tilting of the axis. The lights clicking out. The way it has to be.

Knock, knock, knock. One. Two.

Three.

Dead Child Star 03/12

Apr 3

“at night, when you have nothing to do, you can take a walk down shaftesbury avenue..”

Mar 29

i am in this photograph…look closely….you’ll see me through the dusk….almost disappearing, but still faintly there…..